Kitten Assassins and The Top 10 Cats in Games

Cats and kittens are the fuel that keeps the Internet muttering “Aww,” and flooding every social media channel available with adorable, fluffy overload until Cute Induced Cardiac Arrest is the inevitable result. Everything is better with cats. The Earth itself knows this, as it allowed a huge rock to kill off all those ugly, scaly dinosaurs just to make way for cats.  Unfortunately, it’s logistically impossible for cats to be everywhere, but that doesn’t mean we have to live with this situation. For example, when we get our hands on Unity in November, Arno and his band of Assassins will be stupid, regular old humans. You can’t assassinate members of an oppressive regime with cute little kitty claws, because someone at Ubisoft has no heart, but there are plenty of games out there that let you play as or with cats. If this video has you jonzing for more feline fun, then here are ten games with cats that you can play right now.

If you haven’t already seen the “Assassin’s Kitten Unity” video then prepare to awwww. (see below)


1. Kinectimals


I know I know, this game requires Kinect. Most people don’t own one, and anyone who does probably doesn’t want to admit it. But the one thing that creepy camera did was let you play around with this adorable tiger cub.


2. Catlateral Damage


Oh, did you spend time organizing all these things nicely on this table. Well I’m going to have to run around knocking them all on the floor. That’s basically the premise of this game. You’re a cat on a mission to create as much of a mess as possible in a limited amount of time, much like real cats. Leap up onto furniture and start swiping everything with reckless abandon. Some cats just like to watch the world burn.



3. Tokyo Jungle

This is a cat boss. Yea, this game is weird in the best way.
This is a cat boss. Yea, this game is weird in the best way.

Tokyo Jungle lets you take control of a wide variety of animals (and dinosaurs because why not). Become a wolf, a chicken, a raptor or even an adorable cat and survive the harsh, animal overrun city of Tokyo.



4. Skyrim


Whether you choose to be one or not the Khajiit race makes for some of the most interesting characters in Skyrim; that crazy J’zargo at the College of Winterhold and all his wild ambitions, or the mysterious M’aiq the Liar. The Khajiit like to speak in the third person, which is probably a fair depiction. Cats usually seem pretty self-absorbed.

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5. Viva Piñata: Trouble in Paradise

How can anyone not like this?
How can anyone not like this?

Those who have played them love the Viva Piñata games, myself included. Cat enthusiasts might have been a little disappointed with the original, but trouble in paradise added many new piñatas including Kittyfloss. So you can have a beautiful garden full of nothing but living cat piñatas. Doesn’t sound like there’s any trouble in that paradise to me.



6. Pokémon


After 6 generations of Pokémon there are a good number of cat based ones. You’ve got Meowth, Skitty, Shinx, Litleo, Glameow, Purrloin and a number of others whose real-life based species are debatable. Each of these also has evolutions. You could have a whole team of nothing but cat pokémon. Think about it.



7. Nyan Cat Adventures


If you’ve ever been on the Internet you’ve pprobably seen this cute little kitty with a pop tart for a body and who leaves a rainbow trail behind him as he streaks through life. Nyan cat is the product of the serendipitous amalgamation of a gif and a Japanese pop song. But now you can play this equally random side-scroller starring the one and only nyan cat.



8. Red Dead Redemption

Cougars gotta Coug.
Cougars gotta Coug.

Anyone who played as John Marshton will tell you how infuriating cougars could be in that game, and how incredibly satisfying it is to murder them. I had the most beautiful horse in Red Dead. He was fast and majestic and I named him Anthony. One day Anthony and I were walking along a ridgeline when a cougar leaped out from the bushes, knocked me from Anthony’s back and sent him tumbling down a cliff. I killed a lot of cougars that day. Feel free to head back into Red Dead Redemption and kill a few of your own, for Anthony.



9. Blinx: The Time Sweeper

Bye Bye Blinx.
Bye Bye Blinx.

Blinx seemed like Microsoft’s attempt at an answer to Sony’s Jack and Daxter franchise. The game wasn’t the massive hit, but I don’t think that can be blamed on their choice of animal to anthropomorphize. Fact, cats are awesome.



10. Nintendogs plus Cats

Come on. How could you not want this sad little guy?
Come on. How could you not want this sad little guy?

This series of games is the best way to enjoy owning a cat without actually having one around. Some people have allergies, some people have had nightmare experiences where they got a cat as a child and anytime they tried to play with him or pet him he scratched at their face (I’m assuming). Virtual pets won’t scratch you or leave you red eyed and sneezing.