Well, it’s Easter — that springtime holiday filled with bunnies, chocolate eggs and one of the most horrendous ways to die imaginable. At CGM, we like to create lists around holidays because, well, that’s just good old-fashioned internet fun.
This Easter, we decided to do something a little different. Sure, we could have gone with a “Top Ten Scariest Bunnies in Film” article or something related to chocolate, but that seemed too easy. Instead, we’re serving up a list of the five greatest crucifixion scenes in cinematic history — just in time for Good Friday. After all, it is the only crucifixion-of-Jesus-based holiday around. You’ve got to recognize.
To avoid getting too repetitive, we decided to give the OG JC only one spot on this list. After all, Jesus’ very bad day has been portrayed on film so many times and in so many ways that he could dominate this list — and that man didn’t care for selfishness, so it doesn’t seem right.
We also didn’t want to include too many symbolic crucifixions of Jesus, as that could be a list of its own. So, we stuck with the best one and left out many others, like Murphy’s death in RoboCop or the ending of the amazing train chase in Spider-Man 2, which features more Jesus symbolism than a Bryan Singer Superman movie. Don’t worry, though — we’ve got five crucifixion sequences coming up that are guaranteed to brighten your day. Enjoy!
5) Carrie (1976)
Poor Carrie. She really had a rough time in high school, didn’t she? Even worse than most kids. Aside from the near-ritualistic abuse she faced from her classmates and the painful psychic powers she developed, Carrie had a hellish home life. Her mother was a psychotic Bible-thumper who made life nearly impossible for young Carrie. Thankfully, during her night-long psychic rampage, she got the best — and most symbolic — revenge possible.
When her mother turned violent, Carrie used her powers to stab her to death in a deliberate crucifixion pose. Shot with director Brian De Palma’s signature cinematic style, the sequence is equal parts beautiful, horrifying and perversely satisfying. There aren’t many movies where a crucifixion feels like a win — but then again, there aren’t many movies like Carrie.
4) Spartacus (1960)
Throughout the 1950s and early 1960s, Hollywood cranked out a series of biblical epics that were as massively expensive and as ubiquitous as comic book movies are today. Thankfully, when the great Stanley Kubrick got a crack at the genre — after another director was fired for feuding with Kirk Douglas — he was wise enough to make a sword-and-sandal epic that was completely secular and doubled as a harsh metaphor for the Hollywood blacklist.
Not many filmmakers would dare turn a populist epic into sharp political commentary — but there aren’t many filmmakers like Stanley Kubrick, are there? As a matter of fact, there’s only one. Kubrick was smart enough to keep the crucifixion finale inherent in the genre. That’s just a great way to end a movie. He still managed to conclude with a noble crucifixion sacrifice — just without all the Jesus imagery. It’s a great movie moment, even if Douglas’s acting isn’t exactly fantastic.
3) Conan The Barbarian (1982)
Only one man is so unapologetically tough that he could survive a crucifixion and shake it off like it was no big deal. That man is Arnold Schwarzenegger, and that scene was one of the earliest gifts he gave the world during his reign of action movie dominance in Conan the Barbarian. Arnie is so unfazed by being crucified that he even bites back at the buzzards who dare try to eat him — and he comes out the other side strong enough to deliver even more sword-swinging carnage before the credits roll.
It’s a classic ’80s movie moment that any lover of cinematic sleaze should experience at least once. And while you’re watching it, just remember: this man went on to become the governor of California. Seriously.
2) Monty Python’s Life Of Brian (1979)
Only one group of comedians would be daring enough to turn crucifixion into a pure laugh factory: the nutty Brits behind Monty Python. Their controversy-courting 1979 masterpiece Life of Brian turned religion and the biblical epic genre into a vehicle for their surreal brand of comedy. To this day, it remains one of the funniest and most brilliant comedies ever made. There was only one way for a film like that to end — and Monty Python didn’t pull any punches. They went full-on with crucifixion comedy and delivered some of the finest work of their careers.
Following a collection of gags faking out audiences into thinking that their hero wouldn’t actually get crucified, Brian does indeed die like the son of God. But don’t worry! The sequence isn’t really a downer. It ends with a delightful musical number. One of the happiest songs ever written: ‘Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life.’ See? Crucifixion doesn’t always have to be a bad thing, regardless of what you may have heard, especially when Monty Python is involved.
1) The Last Temptation Of Christ (1988)
Finally, only Jesus could possibly top this list. After all, the main reason the world still knows what the crucifixion of Jesus is can be directly attributed to that martyr’s noble sacrifice. There are many cinematic options — from the psychedelic musical rendition in Jesus Christ Superstar to the graphic brutality of Mel Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ. However, we can only pick one, and only one Christ crucifixion scene was directed by the great Martin Scorsese. As a result, it’s the best one there is.
As viscerally disturbing as Gibson’s version, as moving as any of the 1950s biblical epics, and boasting a deeply unexpected, controversial twist ending, Scorsese’s crucifixion sequence is easily the greatest ever filmed. If you only watch one depiction of the life of Jesus this Easter, make sure it’s The Last Temptation of Christ. We also recommend that, if you’re watching it with any Christians, make sure they’re open-minded. No spoilers, but this movie isn’t exactly your father’s crucifixion-of-Jesus story.
