Back in 2015, one of the sketches during Dwayne Johnson’s stint hosting Saturday Night Live was a parody trailer reimagining Bambi as a gun-toting badass. The sketch poked fun at both Disney’s live-action remakes and Johnson’s role in the Fast and Furious franchise. Yet, that parody trailer had more life to it than the entirety of Red One, a Christmas action-comedy so generic, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was made by an algorithm.
The titular “Red One” is code name for the big man himself, Santa Claus (J.K. Simmons). Johnson plays Callum Drift, Santa’s main bodyguard and leader of the North Pole’s security team E.L.F. (short for Enforcement, Logistics and Fortification). Disillusioned with the larger number of people on the Naughty list, Callum is about to send St. Nick his resignation papers when Santa suddenly gets kidnapped by a team of assailants led by Christmas witch Gryla (Kiernan Shipka).
Callum and the savvy surveillance expert Zoe Harlow, played by Lucy Liu, embark on a mission to locate Jack O’Malley, a level 4 Naughty Lister and struggling father, portrayed by Chris Evans. Unbeknownst to him, Jack has inadvertently revealed the location of Santa’s secret village to Gryla’s crew. From then on, Callum and Jack are forced to work together to find Santa’s whereabouts and save Christmas.
“Red One is a Christmas action-comedy so generic, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was made by an algorithm.”
Over the years, many jokes and memes have circulated online about the interchangeability of Dwayne Johnson’s movies, often down to identical outfits. Red One isn’t interested in changing things up and is yet another generic buddy comedy. Johnson plays yet another stoic-but-snarky badass, laser-focused on completing the mission but still loves the kids, showing he’s got a heart. Callum Drift is essentially a reimagined version of Luke Hobbs from the Fast franchise, distinguished only by a vibrant red and green colour scheme.
The only difference is that Callum has a special gauntlet that allows him to change the size of toys to real-life proportions. It also lets him change his own size, and every bland action sequence repeats the same formula: Callum shrinks down, grows back to size as he delivers an uppercut to knock someone out—unless the opponent is bigger than him.
We’ve had two entire Ant-Man movies that played with size in similar ways, and Red One takes the most uninspired route to do the same things other films have done better. Even the toy aspect is reduced to an excuse for product placement, as each new locale means Johnson has another Hot Wheels toy he turns into a Corvette or a Ford F-150.
“Red One tries to set up its own cinematic universe, but it has little to do and is thoroughly uninteresting.”
Of course, it wouldn’t be a Dwayne Johnson buddy-comedy without his smaller, equally snarky sidekick to bounce off. In this case, it’s Chris Evans in a role that feels like it was written for Ryan Reynolds. Evans has had a rough go lately, with his last several major roles (including The Gray Man, Ghosted and Pain Hustlers) all varying in degrees of terrible.
Things haven’t changed much here, as Evans tries his best to bring some charm to the snark, but there’s little for him to work with beyond reacting to whatever fantasy creatures show up, like giant killer snowmen or headless horsemen. Red One also tries to set up its own cinematic universe, with Lucy Liu’s character heading the SHIELD-like Mythological Oversight and Restoration Authority. However, like her character, this agency has little to do, and the brief moments it appears are thoroughly uninteresting.
The closest the movie comes to having any pulse is when Callum and Jack visit Santa’s brother, Krampus (Kristofer Hivju), portrayed as a shirtless alpha bro who spends most of his time playing Power Slap (or “Krampus-Slap”) with his buddies. There’s ugly CG throughout Red One, which makes the impressive makeup effects on Krampus and his compatriots stand out even more, and Hivju’s portrayal is as entertaining as his stint on Game of Thrones. Additionally, J.K. Simmons brings warmth and kindness to his surprisingly jacked Santa Claus, but he’s barely in the film and, after the opening, spends most of the movie unconscious.
Red One isn’t the worst movie of the year, but it’s certainly one of the blandest. It’s no surprise that it was originally intended to go straight to Prime Video, until a delay caused by last year’s SAG-AFTRA strikes pushed Amazon to release it theatrically. It’s a film that radiates “straight-to-streaming” energy.
It’s frustrating that an actor as naturally charismatic as Dwayne Johnson is content to churn out the same generic blockbuster he’s been doing for years, with diminishing returns each time. Red One is a completely forgettable and uninspired experience that aims to be a Christmas classic but will likely end up as that unsold bit of chocolate languishing on the shelf months after Christmas is over.
